Have you ever counted your life in months?
I haven’t until now. I feel like my entire life split seven months ago, that’s a scary thing to admit. I can remember when my family fell apart, I can remember phone calls from my dad about reality shifting news, I can remember moves, endings and beginnings of semesters and job proposals.
Somehow even through all these moments the only split in my life seems to be the very first time I wandered away from home. I used to count the months that I had lived away from my family. The time that passed seemed to be completely different than the years before it. I’d call it the pre-grad and post-grad eras. That’s typically dramatic for me, as if moving away was comparable to some sort of social revolution in a history text book, that some how have the authority to split time into nice little titled seditions.
But nothing else had ever divided the past in my mind, not until seven months ago. I entered into a new era seven months ago, I’m not sure i want to label it, because at this point it would be something terribly uncreative and probably fairly embarrising.
I was faced with life, or rather, I’ve been facing life the past few months. It started seven months ago and has only stegthened in its ripping current. Decisions. That’s what life is about, I usually wait and pray hoping that God will just thrust me towards something new, towards whatever it is He decides I’m best suited for. But this year I’ve been seeing him holding options out for me and gently guiding me towards cross roads, “I want you to choose”. That’s the constant whispering my heart has heard. “You need to make this call, from there I will direct”.
Confidence. Three years ago I was prayed over, again and again the word confidence surfaced. My professors, my employers, my friends have throughout my life yelled/whispered/gently guided me towards this same word. Confidence.
So seven months ago I was forced to make choices, some I’m still waiting on. Some I feel settled in.
What is so fantastic is that someone else’s adventure, the kind that splits your life, can also be claimed in some regards as your adventure. This 11 months is a lot about learning to be OK alone. Without one particular human being there for every moment. God is good, He knows what he is doing, which means when he hands over the wheel and tells me to make a turn, He knows what He is doing.
There are four more months until I enter into a new phaze of life, so I will breathe and rest in the waiting and in the simple living.